Five long months
by Oiaso
Summary: Spoilers for 1x23 and 2x01. 2x01 began five months after the disaster in the Glades. But what happened during that time period? How did that night finish for Oliver, Diggle and Felicity? What was Tommy's funeral like? Why and when did Oliver make the decision to return to Lian Yu? How did his friends discover where he was? This is what it could've happened in those five long months
1. Chapter 1: Trust Me

**A/N:** Hi guys!

I'm here again, although obviously, I don't own Arrow.

This time, I've written about what happened between seasons 1 and 2. There are some things that haven't been explained in the series, and I've thought that maybe I'm not the only one who has imagined what could have happened.

So finally I've put into words what I've had in my mind for the past few weeks. And if you want to know something about the story before you start to read it, I will tell you this fic has three chapters:

In the first, you'll see how the night ended for Oliver, Diggle and Felicity. In the second, you'll know how Tommy's funeral was, and the last will be about how Diggle and Felicity discover where Oliver was.

I wanted to stay faithful to the series, so I hope to have succeeded.

Once again, I have to thank my fantastic beta **luvtheheaven** for her awesome help; because without her, I couldn't have shared it with you.

I hope you like it.

And don't forget, when you're bored, take some paper and your favorite pen and enjoy writing!

* * *

**Chapter 1: Trust me**

They had stopped the device; they had ended Malcolm Merlyn and his diabolical plan... At least he'd thought that, until he'd heard him: Redundancy ... With one word, the Dark Archer made him realize that they had _not_ achieved their goal. This time, _they_ had failed the city.

Oliver muttered, more to himself than to her, "Felicity... There's another device... There's two of them!"

With the shock still reflecting in his eyes, and after he'd helped Diggle stand up, they went closer to the edge of the roof, watching as half of the Glades was crumbling to pieces, all the while listening to Felicity's sobs through the communicator.

"Oliver?" Felicity asked in a trembling voice.

"Are you okay?" he replied.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "The damage seems to be contained on the east side, past Wells Street."

That phrase turned Oliver's world upside down. His stomach lurched, and his chest shrugged.

"Laurel..." he whispered, before asking Diggle pleadingly, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Go, go, go!"

Diggle was injured, and he didn't know how long he would last before falling unconscious from blood loss, but he knew Oliver needed to go in search of Laurel. If it was Carly who was in danger... But he couldn't think about that. He had to draw strength from wherever he could and get out of there. The police would be coming and he knew that he couldn't be found on that roof - not if they wanted to maintain Oliver's anonymity.

* * *

_Redundancy..._ That damn word pounded in his ears while he was riding his motorcycle as fast as he could towards the CNRI building. The first time he heard her voice, he felt relieved, but it only lasted for a moment. As soon as he realized what she was screaming, though, and how desperate she sounded... his blood ran cold.

Tommy.

Oliver was paralyzed. His muscles were stiff. His fists tightened on the handlebars. He could not move... He remembered too well the first time he felt like that, after he saw his father sacrificing his life to give him a chance. But this time would be different; Tommy would not die. He could not allow that to happen. He got off the bike and walked into the building, ignoring the pain in his body and the fire that was propagating around. Only one thing mattered: Get his friend out of there.

As Oliver knelt down beside Tommy, he said, "I'm gonna get you out of here. You're… you're gonna be fine."

Not far from there, a frightened Felicity was listening in silence. She didn't dare say anything; she should not be a part of that conversation. Although she could not hear what Tommy answered, she knew Oliver well enough to distinguish the hint of panic and desperation he was trying to hide from his friend. And that only could mean one thing... Tommy was going to die in his arms.

She wanted to turn off the communicator, give him privacy at that moment, but she was afraid that if she did, she would not be able to reconnect later, so with tears rolling down her cheeks she heard what she knew would never forget: "No, no! Tommy! It should have been me ... Open your eyes Tommy! Open your eyes…"

She felt bad for having heard his conversation, Oliver's last words ever spoken to his friend, but she had had no other choice. And at that moment, she realized that she wasn't the only one. Diggle should also have heard, although he had been silent as well. It had been the least they could do.

Oliver's sobs mingled with the noise coming from the building that was falling apart.

"Tommy, you were right," he whispered as he hugged his lifeless body. "I should never have come back."

That phrase left her breathless. The man who had been fighting with his demons for such a long time finally had broken. The Glades disaster, the implication of his mother, and the death of his best friend all at once were more than he could handle. The truth hit her as soon as she heard Oliver. He was going to let himself die there, and Felicity didn't know what to do to avoid it.

* * *

On the other side of the city, Diggle had managed to drag himself to the elevator that took him down to the first floor. He had then gone out to the street and had stopped in one of the side alleys to catch his breath when he too had heard the death sentence that Oliver had imposed onto himself. But he was not going to allow it. They had had their differences, but finally he had learned to see the man who was hiding behind the forced smiles, and they had become… if not friends, at least good comrades.

Diggle knew him well enough to know that he would not be convinced by reason; he needed to think of something else. If there was one thing he could count on from Oliver, it was his concern for others before his own safety... Now was the moment to use it.

"Oliver," he called over the communicator. "Oliver, do you hear me?"

Diggle moaned and let himself drop to the ground, and that caught Oliver's attention.

"Dig?"

"I need your help, Oliver. I have got out of the building, but—" a fit of coughing silenced him.

A similar call came to Oliver's mind, when in his first battle against the Dark Archer, he was almost killed. But this time it was Diggle who needed help. He couldn't refuse.

"Hold on, Dig. I'll be there soon."

Oliver got up heavily. Although he was ignoring it, it was a fact that the blood loss was gradually debilitating him. He looked at Tommy and silently wished for his forgiveness. For letting him die, for having killed his father, for coming too late, and for having to leave now as well. He did not want to separate from him, and he wanted to leave him there even less, but he could not get him out, not dressed as he was. The Hood had nothing to do there; his presence would be too suspicious. And Diggle needed him.

He mounted his motorcycle and went to his aid.

"I'm coming; where are you?"

"Take the second left." It was Felicity's voice. "From there, two hundred yards, more or less."

"I think I won't complain about your trackers again," the bodyguard growled as he watched the lights of a motorbike coming closer.

Without wasting a minute, Oliver helped him up and got him to the bike.

"How are you?" the older man asked.

"I'm fine."

"Oliv—"

"Diggle, I'm fine, and you need assistance."

"Okay, then are we going to Verdant?"

Oliver denied it by shaking his head, pressed down hard on the gas pedal and went into the dark streets of the Glades. Not much later, the luminous cartel of the hospital caught the attention of the bodyguard. He couldn't believe that Oliver was taking him to the hospital.

"Really?" Diggle asked in disbelief.

Oliver's growl let him know that he was not going to discuss that. The bike stopped at a prudent distance, and Oliver said, "I shouldn't come closer. Will you be able to walk this far?"

"Of course."

Oliver shook his hand. It was a gesture that told each other more than they could ever put in words.

"Felicity, are you still at the club?" Oliver asked her.

"Yes."

"I'm on my way."

"Oliver ..." she murmured with concern.

"I'm fine," he lied again.

Felicity disagreed, but remained silent. She got up and checked the medical supplies. Something in Diggle's question as soon as he'd seen Oliver had told her that Oliver would need them. She went to the bathroom, washed her face and freshened up. She wanted to cry, but she knew that Oliver needed her more than ever, so she had to keep herself strong for him.

She returned to her desk and did some searches. Moira had been arrested after her declaration; Thea had returned to the mansion, Diggle had been admitted to hospital and Laurel ... She could not find anything about her, so she decided to send a message to Detective Lance to ask if they were okay. Immediately the reply came: "We're both fine. What about you? Tonight you have done a great job."

As she sent a quick "Good. I'm fine too", Felicity ignored his compliment, wondering if Lance was right. Half of the Glades was destroyed and a lot of people had died. But she did not have much time to think about it. The sound of the door brought her out of her thoughts and made her get up suddenly.

"Ol—" her voice went out.

His face was a perfect mask that was hiding any hint of emotion. If he didn't still have red eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks, no one would say that he had just lost his best friend.

An uncomfortable silence had settled between them. Felicity was speechless for the first time in a long time, and Oliver was not daring to look at her. He could deal with fear, disappointment, or even anger... But he could not deal with compassion. Felicity had never looked at him with it, but after everything that had happened, he was afraid that if he looked up, that would be what he was going to see in her eyes.

Something vibrated in the pocket of his jacket; it was his phone.

"Laurel..." he whispered, looking the screen.

"You should take it."

"Laurel?"

Even Felicity could hear her loud and panicked cry.

"Where are you Ollie?"

"I... Are you okay Laurel? Are you hurt?"

"No... I'm not..."—Oliver let out the breath that he didn't realize he was holding—"Tommy... He is—" her voice broke.

"Laurel," he muttered with pain, because he knew what she was trying to say.

"Tommy... He's gone... He died saving me!"

Oliver was silent.

"Ollie? Are you still there? Answer me! Say something. Please!" she begged.

But Oliver had already hung up. The phone slipped softly from his fingers and hit the ground with a thud. But the cell phone was not the only thing that fell ... His mask was also gone.

Until then he could pretend that everything had been a horrible nightmare caused by loss of blood, but Laurel's call had changed everything. There was no possibility that it wasn't true. He had failed the city. He had failed Laurel. He had failed his best friend. And now Tommy was dead.

Felicity silently observed his change. The day when she learned of his secret was already so long ago, and even farther back was the day when he came into her office bringing a laptop with bullet holes, a charming smile, and a ridiculous lie. Since then, they had spent many hours together and had experienced many things… Some good, and others not so much. They had shared many victories, and some defeats... She'd seen him angry, disappointed, hurt... but nothing that could compare to what she saw in that moment. The man in front of her was not Oliver. Not the Oliver she knew. He was a completely broken and desolate man. His look was radiating guilt and pain.

"Oliver," she quietly said his name.

"I'm—"

"No!" she cut him off. "You can't be fine, so _don't_ say it, Oliver. You _aren't_ alone, I'm here."

She advanced a few steps. She lifted her hand to caress his cheek and he closed his eyes at the contact.

"I'm with you," she added before hugging him strongly. It was the only thing she could do at that moment, knowing that there were no words that could console him.

Oliver let her hug him and little by little he hugged her back, as well. Her warmth was more comforting than he had imagined anything could be, but when the adrenaline completely abandoned him, there was only pain. And although the wound in his shoulder was quite painful, the worst thing was the anguish that had settled in his chest.

He was aware that he was becoming weaker, that he was leaning more and more on Felicity, that he needed medical attention urgently, but did he really want to live? He could tell the IT girl that he was hurt, that he needed a blood transfusion, or even perhaps a hospital. But he didn't say any of that. He simply let her hug him while bitter tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Felicity?" he began.

"Hum?"

"Sorry," he muttered before falling.

"Oliver!"

Felicity could not believe what had happened. Just a second before, she'd had Oliver's arms hugging her tightly, but the next moment, he had collapsed, falling to his knees.

"Oliver! Oliver!" she screamed as she was shaking him. "Damn you, Oliver Queen! You can't do this to me. I ... I do not know what to do. Because in case you had not noticed I'm not Diggle! Although that is obvious, because I am not black, nor am I a man or... And I'll shut up in 3, 2, 1."

A chuckle from him let her know that he was still conscious.

"Oliver, I need you to help me get you up; you're too heavy for me, and here on the floor I doubt you're going to be comfortable. Besides, I can't reach the medical supplies and you need them. You _really_ need them!"

She slipped an arm around his shoulders and grabbed him firmly by the waist.

"On the count of three, okay? One, two... and three," she counted, and then she tugged him with all her strength until she managed to take him to the operating table.

She took a deep breath to calm herself as much as possible and prepared to do one of that least favorite things she'd been forced to since she'd joined his crusade: treat his wounds.

She unzipped his jacket and could not resist crying out in horror at the amount of blood on the T-shirt. Using scissors, she got rid of it and observed Oliver's face. His eyes were unfocused, but he was still conscious.

She asked softly, "Do you want something for the pain?"

"No," he growled.

"You have a hole from one side of your chest to the other, and it must be really painful. So, don't you think that it'd be better if I gave you some anesthetic?"

"Felicity," he said. This time there was a hint of pleading in his voice, and Felicity knew there was something more behind his words. She thought that it was his way of dealing with the sense of guilt, a condemnation he thought he deserved. But actually, the only thing he wanted right then was to avoid the nightmares. He knew that with everything that he'd just gone through tonight, he would dream about the island, remembering all that he had suffered there, unable to wake up until the effect of the anesthesia was gone, and he thought that he would not be capable of handling it.

"Okay," she sighed with resignation, "but as soon as I finish with the wound I am going to prepare you a little of those herbs. And now I need you to sit. It will be better if we start with the wound on your back, and this way you could lie down after I finish the first part."

She placed the IV to start the blood transfusion he urgently needed, and then she carefully washed the area until there were no traces of blood. Luckily the wound was not too large but it was from front to back, and definitely would need time to heal. She showed him the needle and the thread, and asked, "Are you ready?"

He only nodded in response.

"I hate to do this, you know?" she began one of her ramblings. "I have no problems with the blood, well, I have some, but I can stand it, but I _hate_ the stitches, in fact, I hate everything that has to do with needles and spiky things in general. Even though your arrows are spiky as well, but I do not hate them... Not that I want to have one of them in me, but... I'm rambling again, and I will shut up in 3—"

"Felicity, don't stop."

She looked at him, a little confused.

"Talk to me," he urged.

"About what?"

"About whatever you want. I don't want to think."

Something stirred inside of Felicity. It was the closest thing to a request for help that she would ever receive from Oliver.

"Well," she hesitated for a moment, "you are the most stubborn person I know."

"Oh ... I didn't expect that."

"But you are. You always say 'I'm fine' when even you do not believe it, but it's your way to go on and I accept it." She kept explaining as she began the tedious task of suturing. "It's your way of trying to make it so that those around you don't worry, well, that _we_ don't worry, because obviously I am one of those people too. But I do care about you, because you're my friend and it is what friends are supposed to do, right? Because you're that kind of person, a _good _person who cares more for others than for themselves, although that doesn't mean that sometimes you aren't wrong with your priorities. And you like doing the things for yourself, not because you don't trust others, but because you take all the responsibilities for yourself, and that means that sometimes you have to make difficult decisions... Well, you can already lie down."

"You know me better than I thought," he said while he leaned back slowly.

"Because of what I've just said? That doesn't mean I know you! All of that would be known by anyone that took a little time to observe you. And I don't mean watching you like staring at you, although, well, what woman would not do it with those muscl... I mean, that spending every night with you and... That doesn't sound good either... What I mean is, that _knowing_ you is to know you don't like enclosed spaces, except perhaps this basement, because after all, you've designed it and you know every corner, I guess... Every time you enter someplace indoors, you look around for all possible exits because you need that feeling of freedom that you do not have in those places. That's why you take the motorcycle whenever you can, because the car turns out to be too stifling to you. You love looking at the stars; it gives you peace, it relaxes you... You don't like noisy or crowded places, hence you try to avoid all the high class functions that you can, and you prefer to stay close to the wall so that nobody could surprise you from the back. And you also don't like highly spicy food or very strong flavors... All that is to say that I really _do_ know you very well."

"Felicity?"

"Yes," she said softly.

"You are remarkable."

She blushed. The last time he'd said that, she did not know anything about his double life yet.

"I'm going to prepare your magic herbs. Don't you dare move."

A couple of minutes later, Felicity brought the glass to his mouth, and he drank gratefully.

Felicity pulled up a chair and sat next to him. She extended her hand, stopped and extended it again until she reached his head, caressing him slowly, lovingly. At those moments she could not try to talk to him, because he would not let her, so it was the only way she had to give him a little comfort.

Oliver felt his eyelids getting heavier. The fatigue, the burdens that he had accumulated over the last months and pain attenuation were all responsible. And Felicity's caresses too were not helping him to keep himself awake. She could see the effort he was making to not succumb to the dream which his body was demanding.

"Go to sleep Oliver, you need it," she asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"I'm not going anywhere, I _promise_ you. I'm going to be with you. I'm not going to leave you alone. You can trust me."

"I do."

"So go to sleep," she pressed again.

"I can't... I don't want… I don't want to go back there. Not tonight."

"Where is 'there'?"

"Lian Yu."

Felicity was reminded of the conversation she had had with Diggle about the effects that the island had had on him: the need to have everything under control, the hypervigilance, the memories that were assaulting him during the day... And the nightmares that were doing it at night. And she knew that it was what he meant.

"I'm here Oliver. I'm not going to let you go there, and if you do, I will bring you back before you realize it. I promise."

He looked at her. She remained silent, but her eyes told him all he needed to know. She was being honest, she wouldn't leave him, she would be there for him, and he could trust her. Of course he could trust her! After all, it was Felicity, the _remarkable_ Felicity Smoak.

"Oliver please, trust me," she begged more than asked.

"Always," he said before he closed his eyes.

* * *

_Thanks you for reading! And please don't forget to leave me reviews so I'll know what you think. Thank you very much!_


	2. Chapter 2: He Was a Hero

**A/N:** Hi guys!

I'm here again to post the second chapter. I'm very excited with your response to this fic. I didn't expect it at all! You've made me very happy, and I want to thank you for all the favorites, follows and reviews. You're the best!

And of course, I can't forget to thank my beta. You're amazing, **luvtheheaven!**

As I told you, this chapter focuses on Tommy's funeral and why Oliver made the decision to return to Lian Yu. It was the hardest to write for me, and it's shorter than the previous one, but even so, I hope you enjoy it!

And don't forget, when you're bored, take some paper and your favorite pen and enjoy writing!

* * *

**Chapter 2: He Was a Hero**

Tommy's funeral day had come. The sun was shining brightly, although Oliver hadn't noticed it, because he barely had left the lair since the night of the Glades disaster. He scarcely ate, hardly slept… He was spending every hour training in that basement with the goal of not to think and not to feel.

Despite Felicity's cries, he didn't stop exercising, so the wound got worse and Diggle had to put in new stitches a couple of times. Neither of them knew how they could help him, so they decided to give him some time and space, thinking that after Tommy's funeral, Oliver would be able to overcome the situation.

When Felicity and Diggle left the lair after midnight, Oliver was still training. He continued for the whole night until his phone rang in the morning. With a grimace, he stopped what he was doing and looked at the phone. It was a Felicity's message: "Time to take a shower". He checked the time and realized that she was right; in half an hour Diggle would be coming to pick him up. He went to the bathroom with a little sad smile; she knew him too well.

* * *

The silence enveloped them as they drove through Starling City's streets. Oliver didn't want to speak and his friend wasn't going to force him. Before getting out, Dig handed him a small package.

"What's this?" Oliver asked.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Felicity just said it was for you."

When Oliver opened the box, he was surprised to see dark glasses. He'd spent days without looking at himself in a mirror, his appearance didn't worry him, but at that moment he couldn't help but throw a look to the rearview mirror. He was pale and haggard, and his gaze was sad. The playboy Oliver Queen was so far gone now... In these moments he just was a man who was barely managing to carry some extremely heavy burdens.

He got out of the car and walked with slow but firm steps. Once again, his face had become an indecipherable mask. Felicity saw him coming. A small smile appeared on her lips as she realized that he had accepted her gift but it disappeared as soon as she saw that Oliver went straight toward Laurel. She didn't expect him to stop and talk to her, because for the world she _only_ was an employee of Queen Consolidated. But he didn't even look at her, and that was what hurt her. She didn't like feeling that way, but she couldn't avoid it. And while the funeral was progressing, she continued observing Oliver: Tense muscles, back straight, rigid jaw... He was trying by all means to make it so that no one would realize how much he was really suffering.

Laurel, however, wasn't trying to hide the tears which were rolling down her cheeks. Oliver looked at her, without knowing what to do. When he tried to hold her hand, Laurel shuddered and pulled her hand away. She didn't want Oliver to realize that she was refusing his contact, so she pretended that the only reason she was moving her hand was to reach into her pocketbook and pull out a tissue. It didn't work. Oliver didn't say anything about it but Felicity saw the change in his expression. Laurel's rejection had hurt him more than he ever would admit, and she wondered how much more he could bear.

The funeral continued its course and before long, it was time for Laurel's words. She talked about how she and Tommy had met when they were children, about the mischief of their youth, about the man who he'd become. And finally, she explained how he died, because she needed all of them to know what he had done for her.

"The night of the earthquake, Tommy saved me. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be here right now. He selflessly risked everything to save another person's life... To save _my_ life. So never forget it, please... He was a hero that tragic night, a _real_ hero."

Those final three words were like a dagger in Oliver's heart, because he knew that there was a strong accusation toward the Vigilante hidden between her words. Once again, he pretended he didn't notice it, but his eyes would have revealed the truth about his feelings, if someone had been able to see through his glasses.

The funeral finished and the people gathered there were leaving the cemetery. Oliver looked back and saw Felicity standing beside Diggle. He gestured with his head for them to leave. He wanted to be alone. They doubted for a moment if they should leave Oliver alone with his thoughts. They weren't sure if it was a good idea or just the opposite. But they knew him well enough to be sure that they wouldn't be able to make him change his mind. So they didn't even attempt it, knowing that it would be completely useless. With a resigned sigh and a worried expression, they left as he had asked them. When he was finally alone, he looked at his friend's gravestone.

"She's right; you were a hero, Tommy... Not like me… How can I be a hero if the only thing I've done so far has been to fail everyone around me over and over again? Goodbye Tommy..." he said as he started walking slowly out of there.

While he was walking, images from the last few months came to his mind, tormenting him. He didn't want to face all of them, because he was sure that he wouldn't able to handle it. So he did the only thing he could: Run. Run until exhausted enough to not be able to think about anything. It was the only way he'd found to successfully avoid the torture of his thoughts.

He ran aimlessly, avoiding pedestrians, cars and any obstacle he found along the way. But this time, it wasn't working. Tommy's death, the half-defeat with Malcolm Merlyn, his mother's involvement in the Undertaking, the promise he'd made to his father which he couldn't fulfill... Laurel's recent accusation... Those damn words on top of everything else had finally proved to be too much. The load had now become too heavy.

He ran for hours until his body finally broke down and he fell to his knees, crying like a child. He didn't know how to deal with all of it. There were so many bitter feelings hurting him, but undoubtedly the worst was the guilt that gnawed him inside.

There wasn't one person that he hadn't failed. Physically or emotionally, any person who ever had approached him had ended up hurt... Or worse. The list was too long: Sara, Yao Fei, Slade, Shado, Laurel, Thea, Diggle, Felicity, Tommy, his parents… Even The Glades' residents. There were too many people who he had hurt... How could they ever forgive him? How could he forgive himself?

Defeated, he looked up and realized where he was. Somehow, he had gone to the only place in the whole city that had the ability to calm him down, if only a little bit. He was in a small forest on the city outskirts, looking at the sky through the trees.

And at that moment he knew what he must do. It was time to return to the island he shouldn't have ever left.

* * *

_Thanks you for reading! And please don't forget to leave me reviews so I'll know what you think. Thank you very much!_


	3. Chapter 3: The Second Option

**A/N:** Hi guys!

Sorry I took so long to upload the third - and last - chapter of this fic, but I've had some problems with my internet connection, so I couldn't work with my beta (**luvtheheaven**, thank you very much! Only you know how much you've helped me) for a while. This is the reason for my delay, and I apologize for that.

Once again, I want to thank you for all the favorites, follows and reviews, and I feel that I don't have enough words to really convey how much it means to me.

As I said before, here you have the final chapter. I really enjoyed writing it, because it's the first time I've had a chance to explore the Diggle/Felicity friendship. I hope you enjoy it too!

And do you want to know a little secret? The last three paragraphs are my favorite thing I've written, at least in this chapter.

Oh! I almost forgot... I hope all of you have had nice holidays. And maybe, I'm a little late but I wish you a Happy New Year!

I don't know when we'll "see" each other again, but meanwhile, be happy! And don't forget, when you're bored, take some paper and your favorite pen and enjoy writing!

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Second Option**

Felicity was heading toward Verdant later than usual this evening. A last minute server crash had forced her to stay late at Queen Consolidated. She was glad to finally be on her way.

Although she knew that the lair would be empty, in her heart she'd had hope that she'd find Oliver there. So, when she arrived and noticed that she was alone, her heart sank once again.

She was too used to that feeling; it had become part of her daily routine for more than four months, now. That was how long it had been since Oliver's disappearance.

After Tommy's funeral, nobody had seen him. He hadn't answered her calls nor messages. He'd gone to Europe, or at least that was what he'd written in the short note he'd left on the desk in the lair, which she'd found, beside a check with many zeros.

During the first couple weeks, Felicity hadn't had any trouble following his trail from one European capital to another by tracking his credit card payments and some gossip websites. She would follow his movements and verify that he hadn't gotten in trouble - that had become into her main job while in the lair. She also had been tracking some names from the list, but that was only a bad excuse that she'd come up with so that Diggle would allow her to spend more time in the basement than she should.

But one day, everything changed. She couldn't find him. His phone's GPS locator, using facial recognition software on security cameras... Everything was useless. None of her hacking skills helped. He disappeared without a trace, and although she tried all she could, she knew that if Oliver didn't want to be found, he never would be. Even so, she didn't give up. All the time she had spent with him, the missions, the people they had helped... She couldn't forget all that. Her life had changed drastically after knowing Oliver Queen, and though it was a dangerous life, with a lot of secrets, it was what she'd chosen. She'd had the opportunity to leave them when they found Walter, but Felicity trusted in Oliver and in his mission, and she knew that he needed her. Diggle and Felicity were the only people with whom Oliver could be himself. They were the people who tied him to the world and helped him keep his sanity. They reminded him that he wasn't _only_ the Vigilante. She'd stayed for him... And now he was gone.

She somehow understood him. He felt responsible for a lot of awful outcomes, and guilt is a devastating feeling that gradually consumes you. She knew that too well... That is how she'd felt for the first few weeks after the earthquake until Diggle had made her realize how wrong she was. It was then when she decided to use the check Oliver had left for her. She hadn't wanted to spend that money on herself, and she'd put the check in the drawer. However, she now had a good purpose for it: Restore the lair.

She started with little things: Patch up the Hood costume, make small orders of arrows at several stores (a huge order could be suspect), investigate the construction of a bow and its characteristics... They were things she could do without Diggle's knowledge.

But a few nights later, Felicity called him to ask if he could meet her in the lair. When he arrived, she explained to him that she wanted to restore the place before Oliver's return, and confessed that she had already started by herself.

"I'm sorry John. I know I should have told you before, and I'm sorry, but I wasn't sure what would you think, and if you would join me or just try to convince me to give up. So I started by myself, but I couldn't continue without telling you, because I felt really bad, as if I was betraying you... And I know that's really silly, but I couldn't help feeling like that and... I'm sorry."

"Hey, you don't need to apologize. You started on your own, and it's okay, but you don't have to go on alone. You can count on me, but not right now. It's too late tonight, and you have a job to attend tomorrow. So now go home and get some sleep. I promise we'll do it tomorrow and we'll work very hard on it."

So the next evening, when Felicity went to Verdant, she was truly hopeful for the first time in ages. If Diggle was going to help her, it only could mean one thing: He also believed that Oliver was going to return.

She left her coat and purse on the desk and checked to see if the searches she had programmed the night before had produced any results. Nothing. There wasn't the slightest sign of Oliver. She sighed and changed some of the search parameters. That little setback wasn't going to ruin the day. She glanced around and then looked down at herself. If they were going to rebuild the lair, the clothes she was wearing (a tight skirt and blouse) weren't the most suitable, so she took the yoga pants and tank top she kept there for when she would train with Diggle and went to the bathroom to change.

She looked at the time. It was after eight and Diggle hadn't arrived yet. Although it was strange, she didn't give it much thought. She started working until she heard his voice:

"Sorry I'm late."

"Don't worry. Um, what you're carrying – is that what I think it is?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, your Big Belly's favorite burger."

"Oh, it wasn't necessary," she added, worried. She knew that Dig and Carly weren't at their best, and visiting her workplace would perhaps have been uncomfortable for him.

"It's her day off," he explained, knowing what she was thinking.

They sat down to dinner, and chatted about trivial things. It was nice to put aside everything that had to do with Oliver or the Vigilante. When they finished, Felicity explained what she'd done so far. Then they set to work determinedly until a yawn from her made them realize how late it was.

"I think that's enough for today, Felicity. You still have a job to attend in the morning."

"Yeah. Good night, John," she said with a smile.

"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

Since then, they'd done exactly the same every evening. Felicity would go to Verdant after finishing her work in Queen Consolidated, check the searches, and begin working in the lair until Diggle would bring dinner around 8:00 pm, because he soon realized that she preferred to have some time for herself. It had become their routine. It helped them begin to really move forward, and they also were getting to know each other better.

* * *

The night when everything changed had started in the same way... The search hadn't given any results and Felicity had then been deciding what they should do over the next hours. She looked around. The lair was practically restored; there were only a few things left to do, one of which was checking and replenishing the medical supplies.

Felicity didn't hesitate. She moved the medicine drawer next to the operation table and began to take everything out, while memories of all those times when Oliver had needed those things came to her mind. The bandages, the needle and the suture...

"Wait a minute!" she exclaimed in surprise when she saw Oliver's medicinal herbs in one of the drawers.

Felicity had never seen him taking any pill for pain or any kind of drug; he always relied on those plants.

Oliver had taken only a few things with him, "just the essentials" they deduced, but then... It didn't make sense. Felicity couldn't understand why he hadn't taken them with him.

She supposed that perhaps he'd thought that he wouldn't need them, but how could it be? And suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. She looked at the clock. It was still earlier than when Diggle would bring dinner, so without losing a moment, she phoned Diggle:

"Hey, I need you here. Now," she urged him.

"Felicity, what happened?" he asked, worried about her tone.

"I got him, Dig. I already know where he is."

"Give me twenty minutes."

He only needed fifteen. He arrived to find Felicity going from one computer to another, quickly and decisively.

"How could we have been so stupid? How could we have been so blind? And we call ourselves his friends? Ha! Where else could he be? I don't know how we've taken so long to—"

"Felicity." He stopped her rambling.

"Yes, sorry. I just feel very frustrated right now. We've had the answer under our noses all this time and we didn't notice it!" She let out a long sigh. "We've been using every means in our power to find him... every one but the most important."

"What do you mean?"

"We're supposed to be his friends, and know him well… but if we'd just taken a little time to think, we would had discovered where he is a long time ago. Do you remember how I felt after the _incident_?" (That was what they now called the night of the earthquake.) "I felt guilty about all those deaths."

"I thought I'd made it clear that that wasn't true."

"Yeah, don't worry. But if I blamed myself, imagine how Oliver must have felt."

"I don't know what you're trying to tell me, Felicity," he said, starting to get impatient.

"We know he has the great defect of blaming himself for all the bad things that happen around him, although they haven't anything to do with him, right? A lot of corrupt people from the list and all the bad guys who crossed his path had to pay for their mistakes. He made sure they did. Every guilty man must be punished. _Always_. That's how Oliver's mind works. OK, I understand and respect it, not always, because you know I'm not always agree with his way of doing things, but... I know, I'm rambling again," she said, seeing Diggle with a raised eyebrow, as Oliver used to do when he wanted to stop her divagations. "The fact is that sometimes Oliver is too faithful to his convictions, and if he felt as guilty as we think, I'm sure he's found the way to punish himself."

"Like that night," he said, thinking about the night of the quake.

"Uh-huh... And what better place for his penitence than the hell itself?" she asked with great sadness.

"I can't believe it..."

"We're talking about _Oliver_, John."

"I know, but still-"

"We have to get him back from Lian Yu." Her gaze was full of determination when she added, "he's _not_ going to come back by himself. You know that as well as I do."

"It isn't going to be a pleasant trip."

She shrugged and looked back at the computers.

"I knew that you'd say yes, so I was already looking up the way to get there."

"Felicity?"

"Yes?"

"How did you figure it out? Divine Inspiration? Feminine Intuition?" he asked, extremely curious.

"Of course not!" She laughed lightly before taking the herbs and putting them in Diggle's hands. "He just took the essentials, so there only can be two reasons for why he didn't bring these with him. He thought he wouldn't need them, or he knew that he could get more from wherever he was going to go. And knowing Oliver, I chose the second option."

Diggle looked at her with real affection. That was one of the little things that made Felicity such an amazing woman. She was full of light, and in the beginning, Diggle believed the dangers and secrets in which Oliver had involved Felicity were too dark for her. But Felicity was much stronger than either of the two men had thought at first. She'd shown it to them more than once. And although Diggle admonished Oliver the first night in which he'd gotten her involved with their nocturnal activities, the fact was that Diggle could no longer imagine the team without her.

Over time they'd become good friends, a nice team. Now their group was broken; an important piece was missing, but Diggle and Felicity hoped that piece would be back with them soon.

**- THE END -**

**Thanks for reading... I hope you've enjoyed this fic... **


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